Tuxedos and gowns. Streamers and smiles. Cakes, kisses, waltzes, wishes --  all a happy prelude to the days, months and years that a husband and wife will spend together. Indeed, the festivities are all part of the wedding celebration. But it is the union of a man and woman promised before God that provides the real substance for a lifetime together. That is why marriage is a sacrament.

         The grace “proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity” (CCC, #1641). Through this grace they “help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children” (LG 11.2). Matrimonial grace strengthens a couple to endure the hardships of life and encourages spouses to share forgiveness, tenderness, patience, and gentility.   
   
    Blessed Jose Maria Escriva puts it rightly when he states, “Marriage is a sacrament that makes one flesh of two bodies.” Pope John Paul II explains this aspect of marriage by comparing it to the life of the Trinity. He tells us that the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being is love. And love is an act of total self-donation, an attribute perfectly present in the Holy Trinity. Each of the divine Persons gives himself completely to the others while maintaining his own unique and distinctive Person. In so doing, a complete union or a communion of persons is established.

    In like fashion, when man and woman come together in marital union, it must be an act of total self-donation -- a surrender of body to body, soul to soul, a communion of persons. This giving of self to the other, springing from a free will decision, is pure gift. Through the body, our love for the other is expressed and given; through the body of the other, our love is received and cherished. Thus, the coming together of husband and wife becomes a physical mirror of the Trinitarian Life.

    The conjugal union of man and wife images  the Trinitarian Life in another way as well. The Life of the Trinity is a creative reality. In Genesis we read that the “love experience” of the divine Communion of Persons leads God to create man: “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness” (Gn. 1:26). Scripture then tells us, “in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them” (Gn.1: 27). The love of the divine Persons is boundless, it cannot be contained. Therefore, it seeks an outward expression. And this outward expression culminates in the creation of man and woman -- new life -- in Its own image.
 
    Notice the very next verse. God then invites man and woman to participate in his most sublime role of Creator, and He calls them to recognize this invitation as blessing: “God blessed them, saying: ‘Be fertile and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it’” (Gn. 1:28).  Thus, just as the Life of the Trinity is a creative reality which births mankind, so too, the marital gift of self-donation  is a creative action intended by God to bring new life into the world. This is the supernatural reality of marriage.

    However,  to live the supernatural reality of covenanted union is no small task. And, as our society and culture become more egocentric and narcissistic, to live the Sacrament of Matrimony  requires heroic virtue. That is why Holy Mother Church calls marriage a vocation.


The Vocation of Matrimony

    A vocation is a loving design of God conceived for every human being from all eternity. It is a path chosen for us by God which leads to sanctity and holiness of life. Pope John Paul II tells us that the prime and fundamental vocation for the Christian faithful is the vocation to holiness (Christifidelis Laici).

    Holiness has both an “interior” and an “exterior” mission.  Holiness of life assures our personal sanctification (its interior mission), and this sanctification effects a change in the world around us (its exterior mission). For married couples, matrimony is the path chosen for them by God to lead to holiness of life, and the path by which they will effect a change for good in the world. The Sacrament of Matrimony, rightly lived, becomes a sign of contradiction challenging the materialism of today’s culture and elevating the hearts and minds of a pagan society to the things of God.

    But, as mentioned before, Matrimony requires heroic virtue. It requires a persevering attitude which constantly calls husband and wife to the gift of self-donation. It requires melding together two divergent personalities into a complementarity which images the Trinitarian Life. It requires a steadfast discipline of body, mind, and spirit which tames unbridled desire for passion, pleasure, and ease. It requires sacrificial love in the face of poor health, ill-temper, set-backs, reversals, or problems. In short, the vocation of matrimony is not for wimps!


Living the Sacrament of Matrimony

    How, then, can married couples cooperate with God’s loving design for them? Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz gives five key guidelines to encourage spouses in their vocation (A Shepherd Speaks, Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz; Ignatius Press, 1997):

Key 1:    Commitment to prayer as a married couple. Bishop Bruskewitz states that “Pastors, who get to see marriages in every state...attest to the fact that marriages without a strong prayer component are almost certainly doomed to fail.” Some marriages begin on the sure-footing of a solid prayer life. Others do not. If your marriage has not, begin where you can -- with yourself. And then, gradually introduce prayer into the life of your marriage. Regular attendance at Mass and reception of the sacraments will strengthen your marital covenant.

Key 2:    Practice “togetherness.” Too many couples today live their lives as “married singles.” Separate interests,  activities, and vacations ultimately lead to lives separated by unhappiness and divorce. Marriage needs the “presence” of partners. Search for activities you can enjoy together. Take time alone as husband and wife -- for a “date,” a quiet walk, a cup of coffee after the children are in bed. Make Sundays a day set aside for family “togetherness.”

Key 3:    Rule out hyper-possessiveness. There is a chasm between “togetherness” and “hyper-possessiveness.” The former breathes life into a relationship; the latter deals destruction. Bishop Bruskewitz writes, “...it is a flawed marriage that smothers every vestige of the ‘inner person’ or that is hyper-possessive because of a lack of trust...” Many a marriage has failed because of a neurotic possessiveness rooted in insecurity.

Key 4: Share thoughts and feelings. Sharing from the heart is essential to a vibrant marriage. Husbands and wives can do much to aid each other in spiritual growth through a kind word, a charitable admonition, a helpful suggestion. Conversations should not only concern the day-to-day activities of running a household, but should also include those elements necessary for building up the “domestic church.” 

Key 5: Respect one another and one another’s consciences. God brings a man and woman together to be helpmates in attaining salvation. Therefore, they must respect the person of the other. Respect is shown in thoughts, words and deeds. But the battle for it is fought in the heart. Take up arms against holding grudges or plotting paybacks. When difficult words must be spoken, wait until heated emotion has subsided. Small acts of charity and gentle words do much to communicate love.

    Husbands and wives who follow these five guidelines model for their children the essence of matrimony, and witness to the world what it means to build a marriage on the firm rock of Jesus Christ and His Church.